Title: Crying Out Silent
Author: Marita A. Hansen
Publication date: June 27th, 2018
Synopsis (according to Goodreads):
Two high school students make an unlikely alliance--one their friends must break before death does.
The day I met Ash Rata was the first day I started dying, not because of Ash, but because of one of his friends. Ant Torres made me suffer, tormenting me because he thought I was a pretty boy. I am a boy, yet I'm also a girl. Neither one nor the other, but both.
While Ant was a closeted gay rugby player who used violence to get what he wanted.
But I didn't want him--I wanted the unattainable.
The beautiful boy who was hiding a secret as big as mine, one that would unite us... until death do us part.
Please note that this book contains sensitive topics such as suicide and assault (R18)
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I received an electronic copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Llewelyn is not like the other kids at school. Llewelyn is neither a straight boy, gay boy, straight girl, or gay girl. He is something in between: both girl and boy. This ultimately leads to a lot of strife as kids in his school don't know how to treat him. He is too beautiful to be a boy, but has always been considered a boy on both paper and when enrolling in schools. Llewelyn has just transferred to a new school where he knows nobody. It doesn't take long for the school bully to set his sights on the timid creature, but for a different reason than Llewelyn thought. It seems Ant has an attraction for him that he is not likely to give up without a fight.
Then there's Ash. Llewelyn is immediately attracted to the most popular, gorgeous boy in school but it isn't until trauma and circumstances brings the two together that a kinship is born. L and Ash know the pain of violence, sex, and how the two when combined can cause irreparable damage. But when neither of them seem to be able to find a way to keep their heads above water will they at least have each other when they start to sink?
Oh my goodness, L is a heartbreak personified. I can't believe how much he goes through and how he still finds a way to care about the people around him more than his own emotions. L is just the best complimenting character to Ash and his brooding spirit. I found myself rooting for the two despite the fact that their relationship would be difficult to truly formulate into an actual relationship. I wanted Ash to admit his feelings for L even though they were utterly confusing. I wanted L to assert himself more and prove that the best match for Ash was him. I wanted Ant to be eaten alive by fire ants.
The many traumatic experiences of the characters became a bit overwhelming. It seemed like EVERYONE was being violated or beat on one way or the other. It wasn't enough for me to roll my eyes with a resounding "here we go again", but it did get old fast. Did they all have to be scarred in some way? But, I did find myself pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed the book. It was definitely something that most authors would shy away from. It was also something new for me and I'm glad I took the time to explore unknown book genres.
"Crying Out Silent" is a book that is unafraid to delve into the gritty darkness or sex and violence and find the beauty that lurks within.